Faith of the Heart: Star Trek: Enterprise (Theme Song)

Also my theme song. Why? Not because I cry every time I hear it. Lots of things make me cry. More like, Holy Sh**! I came all this way on my own! No one to help but my dogs. I must have faith of the heart. Last I remember humming was "The Long And Winding Road".

AS HEARD ON SHOW

It’s been a long road - getting from there to here.
It’s been a long time, but my time is finally near

And I will see my dream come alive at last. I will touch the sky.
And they’re not gonna hold me down no more
No, they’re not gonna change my mind
Cause I got faith of the heart
I’m going where my heart will take me
I got faith to believe I can do anything.
I got strength of the soul and no one’s gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star. I got faith. Faith of the heart.


COMPLETE LYRICS

"The magic of believing is this: if we really believe in ourselves, our heart will take us to the highest plateau of personal success. Nothing will stop us as long as we have faith in our hearts."

It’s been a long road - Getting from there to here.
It’s been a long time, but my time is finally near.

And I can feel the change in the wind right now
Nothing’s in my way
And they’re not gonna hold me down no more
No, they’re not gonna hold me now

Chorus:
Cause I got faith of the heart
I’m going where my heart will take me
I got faith to believe. I can do anything.
I got strength of the soul
And no one’s gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star. I got faith. Faith of the heart

Enterprise
Faith Of the Heart written by Diane Warren, sung by British opera star Russell Watson
This song was first featured in the film Patch Adams (performed by Rod Stewart Original Air Dates: 2001 - present (UPN)

First female orgasm

W00T! I had my first female orgasm last night. I couldn't sleep and it was like 3 AM. I wasn't horny at all. I'm on about 1/2 the estrogen I should be because I don't want to get horny while healing. Anyway, I thought maybe taking a "natural sleeping pill" would put me to sleep. I was very very surprised that with very little effort I was able to have an orgasm. It didn't put me to sleep but I'm almost excited that I can cum. OK. I'm a little excited. :)

Happy light

Two weeks before I went to see Jerry for the final time I got my SAD, Seasonal Affected Disorder, light. OMG! What a difference. I have tons more energy after using it for only one week. I used to lay on the sofa and sleep almost all day. Now I can only lay down for about 1/2 hr. before having to get up & do something.

Its a BlueMax 70W desk lamp from www.fullspectrumsolutions.com. It cost me $160 and is worth every penny. Of course, my medical plan wouldn't pay for it. That's just bullshit. $160 is an insignificant sum compared to the work AT&T will get out of me with all this energy I have. AT&T sux but that's a different post.

I'm not sure if it improves my mood or not. I'll have to wait a few months until Welbutrin & Effexor withdrawal is done. Maybe I won't be sure until next winter. But It sure gave me energy. The fact that I created this blog is proof.

Commence depression, deep spiraling depression.

My meds, Welbutrin 300 mg & Effexor 150 mg, ran out three(?) weeks ago. My employer switched to a new prescription plan with Caremark. The old plan with Medco warns you when you are getting low but I didn't get anything from Caremark.

In a rush, I went to my shrink for new prescriptions. I also forgot, that on the new plan I have to pay full price for him now. I had him write the two prescriptions for three months worth of meds. I sent the prescriptions to the Caremark and even payed $18 for next day delivery. While checking for a delivery date I discovered Caremark charged me $400. There is no way I can afford that. Medco didn't cost me $400 for two years of the same meds. Commence depression, deep spiraling depression.

I didn't get the meds for about a week after I ordered them. Next day delivery, my ass. When they finally came I discovered they substituted the Welbutrin for generic. Generic Welbutrin doesn't work. I tried it years ago. They are like sugar pills. I threw the pills across the room then wadded the paper work up and threw that too. I then wrote a barely comprehensible flame to Caremark. The meds and Caremark are totally worthless to me. I can't afford $400 every three months plus my psychologists fee. I'm not going to take the batch I just got and go through withdrawal again after I finish them.

Withdrawal started with just dizziness. Then came hot flashes, sleeplessness, nightmares, and mood swings. I have more energy because of the SAD light I got a week earlier but I don't feel like doing anything.

I can't see my psychiatrist anymore or afford any meds of any kind. If I get sick and need meds I plan to die rather than pay Caremark. I may as well die now.